CAPE TOWN. Thousands of disappointed tourists from Gauteng have condemned Cape Town tourism authorities for not reminding them that the sea was a disappointment last year. Sitting listlessly on towels or picking sand out of their teeth, visitors say they seem to remember swimming with dolphins and seeing coloured people playing cheerful tunes on ukuleles.
Visitor Debbi-Shay Potgieter of Randburg said that she felt betrayed by both Cape Town and her memory.
"If you live in Gauteng you don't really have anything to live for, except maybe dying under anesthetic during liposuction, which is an awesome way to go," said Potgieter.
"So Vleis and I were pinning all our hopes on the coast.
"But this is kak. The waves just go in and out, and that's all."
She said she was certain that she had swum with dolphins last year, but conceded that she might have been remembering trying to drag her husband Vleis from a hot tub after he had gone into meat shock.
"But I'm pretty sure it was a dolphin," she said.
Tourist Bambi Ngema of Sandton said she was "gutted" to discover that Cape Town's coloured citizens did not permanently wear carnival makeup and sing songs on ukuleles.
"It's disgusting," said Ngema. "When you come to Cape Town you expect cheeky coloureds with no front teeth saying 'Hoesit melaaaanie!' and playing 'Hie' kom die Alabama' on their ukuleles.
"But all they do is walk around in normal clothes. And they've even got teeth."
She said that she and her husband Charl-Sizwe had asked a coloured person to play something on his banjo, but that he had been "unenthusiastic".
"He said something about my mother's Porsche, which was weird because Mom drives a Bentley."
Meanwhile tourist authorities in Cape Town have confirmed that many of the visitors from Gauteng are already severely malnourished just a few days into their visits.
"The main problem is that there are so few Dros steak ranches in the city," said spokesman Happytime Magubane.
"They just don't know where else to find their traditional diet. We've been trying to lure them to the Spur, and we've tagged and released quite a lot near the Cattle Baron, but they just wander away, whimpering. It's heartbreaking."
She said that many of the tourists had also rejected emergency rations of fish and chips, saying that Cape Town fish was inedible because it tasted of fish and not of chicken and bone meal like Gauteng fish.
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