Golden Shower

The old joke goes,
“How do porcupines mate?
Carefully.”

But I was informed today that, while they may be careful (although it’s very difficult to ascertain whether or not a porcupine is being careful. Maybe I should enlist the help of a pet psychic…), apparently they also engage in a golden shower as part of the mating ritual.

Not to leave anyone out of the loop, the urban dictionary defines a ‘golden shower’ as the following:

"The act of urinating on another person, usually for sexual gratification, or as a way of humiliation. More common than a Golden bath, where, during anal sex, one partner urinates into the colon of the other.”

Now, I gotta ask: If God made them little porcupines to be red-neck, german schiezer loving creatures and that’s their ritual, why not? But humans. Really? The urge to urinate on another person has just not arisen in my life. Once, after an angry encounter with an unnamed bank, my mother phoned my father enraged, saying:

Mom: Have you taken a pee yet?
Dad: (confused) er….no?
Mom: Good. Now go and pee on (unnamed) bank’s carpets.

THAT I understand. Peeing on carpets to illustrate rage, sure. Peeing for sexual pleasure? Just strange man. The golden shower to me falls in the ranks of these: the Spiderman, the Baked Alaska, the Simba and the Roman Helmet. Perhaps you disagree?