Bp Pies

So, the theory on the BP pie/guy goes as follows:

Every girl, whether she will admit it or not, has one guy that she is hopelessly attracted to, despite how revoltingly bad he is for her. No matter what her friends think, no matter who says what about him, no matter how he treats her, she will always have a sneaky corner of her….well, let’s call it heart for him. (When I say heart, I mean vagina.)

And basically, he can be explained by the BP pie phenomenon.

You get ready and put on your party shoes. You look at yourself in the mirror, thinking “I am tall, confident, skinny and gorgeous”. You go out with the girls and you think to yourself “Whatever happens tonight, I will not drink too much. And if I do drink too much (which I won’t), no matter how much tequila and beer we insist on pouring down our throats, I will NOT eat a BP pie”. And then you go out for cocktails, but cocktails turn into dinner, dinner turns into an orgy of food, and then 74 00 bottles of non-descript white wine and fourteen tequilas later, you are dancing on the bar. Your friends slowly start to gravitate towards whatever looks appealing and you think “Still, I’m not going to give in and I will not eat that pie”. But, by 2am, when you’re starving hungry and that rumbling noise in your stomach yells “give me unnecessarily bad food…NOW!”, you think “Why not? It’s just one. It’s not the worst thing in the world.” And your greedy little tummy takes you straight to that pie. You always choose the worst one, like chicken mayo (don’t even get me STARTED on hot mayo) or a cheeseburger pie. Even as you are eating it and that greasy pie is slipping down your throat you think “I am so going to regret this tomorrow, but right now it feels AWESOME!”. And you love it.

Then you wake up, the next morning, feeling like ass and death combined in a blender, with that dirty BP pie wrapper lying on the floor, and it all comes flooding back…

Now, substitute “pie” for “guy”, “hungry” for “wine-induced horniness” and “stomach” for….well, you get my drift. I leave it up to you as to what the crumpled wrapper in the floor is…