FIFA

It’s no surprise that I intensely dislike FIFA, and luckily for me it’s a popular opinion. But the fact that South African authorities think that it’s ok to collude with them (translation: bend over and take it whenever FIFA shows the hand signal) is something that should worry us. They are crippling country funds while making a fat profit themselves, and have even managed to bully our normally-take-no-shit tax officials. As if that wasn’t enough, we have now managed to help offend the bong-and-a-biscuit loving Dutch, who did nothing for us but spawn a huge part of our nation.


There are few of us who didn’t laugh encouragingly at the Goldmember portrayal, and at least once in our lives have dreamed of living in Amsterdam. Drugs are cooler when they are legal. And honestly, the Dutch are just cool themselves. Most of my friends wouldn’t kick a Dutch girl out of bed, and as tourists to our country they are polite, attractive and well, really European.

So WHY did the officials need to arrest a couple of hot, fun-loving beer-swilling gals who did nothing more offensive than wear their country’s national colour and make it a little more sexy? Because FIFA have a monopoly and are using force, intimidation and wrongful arrest tactics to scare everyone into submission. Good for those girls, and I sincerely hope nothing too bad happens to them.

What the story did do is remind me how much I love the word ‘guerilla’. It ensures that the images conjured up are scary and intimidating (thanks to its relation to the word ‘gorilla’). Had English developed to term that style something lame like chim-pansy fighting or orangutan tactics it wouldn’t have half the impact. Although, terming what the Dutch girls did might be more relevant as ‘ORANG-utan’ marketing!