Now, don’t get me wrong. I am fond of small cheepy little birds. No, that’s also a lie. I was a fan of cheepy little birds until three of them became co-residents in my fourth-year flat. I now loathe cheepy little birds (especially those who like to wake at 7am).
I like hornbills. They seem harmless, like old bergies. I love soaring birds of prey, possibly because they have never viewed my tender behind as a target. The new Cadbury’s advert with the ostrich who wants to fly touches my heart.Ostrich Flight
I would think twice before tucking into a delicious side of swan (but probably only twice, since not eating it once it had been expertly killed, skinned and prepared should be a criminal offence).
However, I acknowledge the terror that can be struck into the heart of any innocent victim attacked by birds. Hitchcock's 'Birds'
This morning I was contentedly waltzing down my stairs to hang up washing before work, singing quietly to myself and generally in a half-asleep, happy daze. I heard the reverberating ‘coo co-coo’ of a pigeon and assumed there was one in the roof. Then POW! I was woken from my gentle slumber by the HORROR! Oh the Horror.
Daddy pigeon flies up off the nesting spot, straight at my head, squawking and flapping, and, since my stairwell is a tiny little corridor, his insane bird shrieks echo around the building. I drop my washing, grab onto my hair in case he gets stuck in it (wait, is that bats? Who knows? In the moment of terror you panic and cover anything you hold dear). Mommy pigeon goes all crazy cooing downstairs, adding to the general mayhem of the situation. I’m now also shrieking, using expletives to get the damn thing away. It finally worked and they went back to silently brooding at me from on top of the electricity box.
As if I REALLY wanted to steal your stupid little pigeon egg?
The bad news is that this was only the first time. Considering pigeon eggs have an incubation period of 17 or so days, this could be a very terrifying month. Phobia
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