Girl stuff

The girls came over for wine last night, and as usual the boy asked before “What are you going to talk about?” Firstly, does he think I plan the topics of conversation and then we pick little tags out of a hat to decide? But secondly, I have noticed that boys are always intensely curious to know what girls talk about to each other. As if when we are alone we morph into different people and have strange conversations about crazy things.

I asked a male colleague this morning what he thought and he gave me that shuffled-feet, shifty-eye look and mumbled something about “girl stuff”. What, pray tell, is the exact definition of ‘girl stuff’? From what I am led to understand from asking some of the boys I know it seems to span over a wide scope of everything from cookie recipes to giving birth.

(Now don’t get me wrong, I am only too happy that boys shy away from the topic of conversation and are easy to dismiss anything provided it lies under the veil of ‘girl stuff’. Need to leave work early and don’t feel like explaining why? Tell your male boss you need to go for ‘lady problems’. Unless you have an enquiring gay boss like I did, it’s foolproof. Need to go shopping for no apparent reason? Tell your boyfriend that you need to pick up ‘girl products’ and you have as many hours of guilt-free shopping as you need. No man REALLY wants to enquire what you mean, just in case he becomes privy to a graphic image in his mind he may never be able to wipe clean. Something his MOTHER may have.)

On the other hand, it’s a little insulting that we have this apparent whole section of our lives to which only other girls have access. Because, honestly, periods aren’t actually that scary or that bad. Yes, they are annoying. Yes, we wish we didn’t have them. But we do not turn into contagious lepers and if you touch us while we have it you will not have to rush out of the room tearing at your clothes yelling “unclean, unclean!”

Bladder infections? Yes, they’re gross and no, we can’t help it. Girls get them, guys don’t usually. Be happy about that. Men are, however, more prone to kidney stones. Men’s nether regions are constructed in a far simpler manner and work on a user-friendly interface. In contrast, women have a delicate ecosystem in which homeostasis must be maintained. If that balance is upset or interfered with, there are consequences. It’s an awful topic, but trust me, we don’t want to talk about it any more than you do. (Except maybe this girl)

So seriously, when I invite my girlfriends over to drink some wine and chat, we do NOT spend the entire time chatting about Aunt Irma and her imminent visit. We don’t sit around swapping recipes. We don’t debate the advantages and disadvantages of top loader v front loader. We don’t boil a cauldron and hold séances. We don’t get down to our underwear and pillow fight. (These are all REAL suggestions boys have proffered for a girls night in)


To dispel the myth, we are in fact the same people we are when we are with you.

Sorry, guys.