What are the best ways to get to know someone? The skinny one asked me the other day why she was still single and why she never picked up guys in bars, and it led me to thinking, “neither have I”. Tracing back the path of my life, I realised that I have never had any lasting, meaningful relationship (on any level) with someone I met in a bar. Every person in my life with whom I am especially acquainted or actually give a sh*t about, I met a) sober and b) in a relaxed social setting.
My best friend I met in my dorm, the others all through class or school. Boyfriends have ranged from church, to work, to class, to my best friend’s brother. The common interests we share, the natural inclination towards each other were established during moments of lucidity and without crazy loud music and smoke clogging up your eyes. Often, several meetings took place before any sort of affinity was confirmed. (At the risk of sounding pretentious, please bear in mind that I am working my way through Georgette Heyer books and thus am forced to term my thoughts in 18th century English. Many apologies.)
That said, I have never really gotten to KNOW someone until I have gotten drunk with them. Every first kiss with every staid boyfriend happened after some serious lubrication of the liver. Every best friendship was cemented through being a drunk whore together/crying ‘dronk verdriet’ tears/arguing senselessly about no point in particular. And because women call each many other things first before they call each other sister, these long nights of red wine and chatting are what made us trust each other so much.
The advice I can give is look for your friends and lovers in social settings where you want to find yourself, but get to know your friends somewhere outside your mutual comfort zone. You meet someone sober, but you get to KNOW them drunk, and only then do you really get to like them (or not).
I met Nic drunk....see always a bad idea...but 6 years on?
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